How To Tame Hobby Overload -

His hobby lasts months and months while I do all the rest by myself! We don’t even spend family time together. I’d like the same support he gets! Once hunting is over, fishing and golf start up–no one warned me! Wish I could just take a couple months off. fb posts and conversations

Sound all too familiar! I hear this from many people and read it repeatedly on posts! We hear the frustration and try to support you with suggestions on this site. While the solution may take work from both people and some time to find common ground, it is entirely possible if both people work together.

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A partnership begins when two individuals become committed to each other. “A healthy couple relationship is a balance between independence and connectedness,” as stated by Wisdom Within Counseling. Doesn’t sound so difficult, right? However, there are times when an imbalance may lead to feelings of abandonment, anxiety, or even anger and resentment. Perhaps you need assistance with how to tame hobby overload? Now comes the need for effective ways to deal with these feelings and create a mutually beneficial arrangement. Think back. Their therapists say, ”emotional support is not something that you would learn in school.” From my own experience, how to have a healthy relationship that can deal with adversity successfully was not a hot educational topic. Furthermore, conflict resolution typically led to a consensus which certainly does not result in a win-win ending.

Healthy hobby or hobby overload?

So how do we maintain a relationship where responsibilities are covered and shared, yet we have time for healthy hobbies—ones that offer us a break, stress relief, pleasure, and the opportunity to rejuvenate ourselves? That can be a challenge but this can get even more complicated. It’s “great when the 2 of you can find common ground and cultivate shared activities, but what happens when your spouse is completely consumed by his/her own hobbies?”

Think about the level of involvement in a hobby. Does their passion surpass a healthy level? Has it adjusted to acknowledge your lifestyle as a couple? Does it create competition or jealousy?

Maybe the time has come for a frank, honest conversation to create a solution that is beneficial for each of you and your relationship. “Speak the truth, lovingly as you let them know what you need,” state Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott on symbis.com, who also recommend that you brainstorm some positive suggestions before you approach your spouse.

Together create a mutually beneficial plan where both are aware that responsibilities become shared tasks in a relationship and take high priority. They should not become a heavy burden for only one person.

Are there ways you could share in the hobby together? How can this become balanced better for both people? Maybe there is room to experience your spouse’s hobby and join in the fun. Benefits of working out these issues include learning new skills, spending more time together, and building confidence.

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A Hobby for One….or two?

For my situation, my husband has been an avid hunter his whole life. This is a hobby that can consume a ton of time. I know he LOVES going hunting so I decided I wanted to go along and see how he spent his time. He was happy to take me. I learned how to prepare in order to enjoy being out there comfortably. I didn’t know anything about the wild game we were hunting, so I had tons of questions and learned to pay attention to detail. Over time I have learned so much and feel rather accomplished because of my new skills.

I understand that everyone would not like this particular hobby. I may not have even cared for it once I gave it a try. Yet, there are many other options associated with hunting that may have been appealing. I feel that is the case with many hobbies.

There are many options I could partake in associated hunting in order for us to spend more time together and try to find common ground. In this case, some options might be:

nature photography,
learning about wildlife and their habits,
hunting traditions,
processing wild game,
analyzing weather and seasonal changes,
relaxing while on a hunt, and
better appreciate his talents.

Expand Your Horizons

So try to find a solution that both partners are happy with and try to meet in the middle. Be creative and realize that being a couple is different that being single and totally carefree. You may be able to join in your partner’s hobby, if not totally, then see how you can be supportive and vice versa. While one is doing their things, perhaps you can discover a new hobby or pick up an old one. There’s a big world out there! Places to start: the library, volunteering, a free workshop or class, church, join a local club, find like-minded groups online.